my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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