Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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