no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
