The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
