I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
