He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize