just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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