youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
