Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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