my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
