i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
