we're chasing vodka with high fives
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
