Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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