I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
