Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
