well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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