you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
