I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
