i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
