i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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