hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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