i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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