I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
