Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
im calling her cock vulture from now on
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
