Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
