I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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