DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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