Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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