got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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