If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
