Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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