Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
