oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
