This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
