I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
