i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Two words: blizzard sex
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
