The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
