I only kidnapped one of them. chill
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
