woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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