i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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