alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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