I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
