She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
