I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
