The maid of honor just puked.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
