It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Barsexuality is the new black.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
