Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
