Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
