wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
