here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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