i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
