just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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