I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
