Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
