After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
