just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Randomize
