Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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