I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
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