I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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