when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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