Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
