This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
