Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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