The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
