the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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