She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
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