my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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