Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Randomize
