eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
