I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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