Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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