...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
