We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
