so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
