Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
