"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
